Hermit in Red Lipstick

He had never liked tea. Even as almost the whole office rushed to try out my latest blueberry flavored import, he simply sat and watched, with nonchalance and amusement, the sort of dismissiveness with which a teen scoffs at beings that are both above and below his age. Sometimes he had coffee though; when the air conditioner was too cold. Black and bitter; that’s how he always liked it; that’s how he always brewed it. But that, as I said, was more out of necessity than joy. What he really enjoyed was being unconscious, and I daresay, delirious. High? That’s your euphemism that I refuse to buy – How can you be ‘high’ when you cannot experience a single sense organ! Now what was that drug that he bought in those far flung hamlets of Himalayas?-I cannot remember. You see, I have always been bad with names of drugs, just like I have been with things I have been uninterested in. Not just drugs, I have perpetually been wary of being intoxicated- it makes me feel vulnerable, something that I do not like. It potentially implies a situation where you do not have any control over things. I’ve never been comfortable with even the thought of it, so never would you find me going for a refill; even if it’s the rarest of rare wines. It’s not like I am a saint waiting to be canonized either; I have had my share of interests, to fulfill which, I have often gone to lengths greater than most people would, as long as it was being legal, or should I say, consensual. To the Himalayas too, yes- to the North and North-East have I myself been in pursuit of what is my definition of ‘high’, although, I have to admit, it seems something from my past life. It’s two years already since I have been married to Vineeta- add another year of our dating, and you get the time-frame when I have been entirely monogamous and faithful. I’d like to add that it has not been entirely out of will. One has to be pragmatic too, isn’t it? Divorces can be expensive and messy and then Vineeta is a good wife too. You can almost call her the complete package. 32, but by the looks of it 23. Can cook if she wants to, and the best part is that she is obstinately independent. When my colleagues whine about the cost of their wives’ lipsticks, many a time Vineeta is the generous sponsor for cricket matches and fancy dinners- in short, she earns much better than me. She is pretty attractive too, but then there are other attractive people in the world too, and one is bound to be drawn towards variety. Anyway, it looks like I have veered off the topic. I intended to talk about Shaleen, not Vineeta. So, as you must have understood, before Vineeta came into my life, I was decadent but in a sober way unlike Shaleen. And yes, it isn’t as if Shaleen was entirely uninterested in the fairer-sex, but his interest in booze has always surpassed his interest in babes by several notches. But herein lies the thread that binds us and that is, for a significant period of time both Shaleen and I have stayed away from the sources that excite us. He claims it has been a year and a half- but, of course he does not consider drinks and the subsequent hangover in the same category, and these are thus, exempted from his list of prohibited temptations. My abstinence is more stringent though; I shall not as much as indulge in a side-hug with any species that isn’t Vineeta. You must be thinking Shaleen and I must be great friends for I know him so well, isn’t it? Well, that’s what everyone says. Only thing is, we aren’t. On the contrary, we have constantly tried to destroy each other unknown to everyone else. There’s a saying in Hindi that the true character of a woman cannot be gauged even by the demi Gods- but I think this is an exaggeration. Had the wise men who worded this adage met either me or Shaleen, they’d have cut off their tongues and offered it as a token of penance at the feet of the nearest woman. So while Shaleen and I have been together for more than 5 years, at and outside work, the prime reason for this charade has been a deep rooted desire to harm the other one; professionally, albeit.
I had joined Shaleen’s team in 2014. He was a celebrated developer, who was known to spend almost his entire night at the work desk, what he did during daytime is another matter. Within two weeks of my joining the team, I was immensely irked by his behavior. I was a junior developer back then and every morning at 9 would I diligently report to work. Till the point I had individual assignments, all was good but the problem began when I needed to Tango with Shaleen. Three out of five days would he not assign the day’s work on time, and once he did he would disappear like the Cheshire cat. And not just that, every second day would he make a huge show of the so called improvements he made in my code when in reality he had only tweaked bits. He would utilize his contacts and fish out requirements and relevant business knowledge and functionalities and sprinkle them on top of our product and walk away with the applause after making me work like a daily wage earner every single day. Of course, since I was on the same team, some fragments of praise flew to my direction too, but they were often second-hand in the sense that most people believed that the success was largely an output of Shaleen’s hard work and sleepless nights. But the part that annoyed me most was when people would say, “You know you are fortunate that you are getting to work with such a great professional so early in your career”. Thank God for my patience, else I might as well have ended giving a piece of my mind to this man/woman who’d praised my fortune, and possibly ending up being called an ungrateful wretch. But patience is not like a Hindi soap opera that stretches for a lifetime. If I had not been a law abiding citizen, I’d surely have ended up giving a supari for Shaleen (No, actually I was more timid than a law-abiding being and certainly did not have money for the supari, so this was anyway pointless) I then started analyzing other options and it was then on one such glorious day when deep in contemplation, I was summoned by a charismatic voice out of my mental ruminations. “You are that new guy working for Shaleen, aren’t you”? It was a female voice. As I’d earlier mentioned, I have a preference for this species, so I straightaway did not get into my oh-so-annoyed mode. Before saying anything, I thought of stealing a good look at her. Her style though influenced by Goth, as much as the professional sphere would allow, could not dull the attractiveness her age and physique bestowed upon her. I decided I would tolerate the extollation of Shaleen’s many virtues once again. But so surprised would I be the next moment, never would have I thought. In a low voice, she said something that sounded almost sacred, “If there were a God, I’d wish Shaleen dead.” Imagine my state, an almost attractive woman hating my deep enemy. I wished that we kissed, but since I very well knew we could not, I said, “Et tu, (gorgeous)!” She nodded her dark head. “I know everything”, she said as if confiding a secret, “I have worked with him in the past like many other young developers. He treats us the way the Britishers treated the indigo farmers.” Very wise, I nodded. She went on, “But someone has to do something or else his meanness will go unchecked. So many young developers would be exploited.” I nodded. “Listen, I have an idea. It is risky but it might work.” No, I don’t have money for supari and I do not have the heart to kill a man myself, I was thinking. What she said was not something as severe though. “Shaleen has a weakness. He loves getting high. He cannot resist marijuana and in its effect he sometimes zones out as long as an entire day.” Cool, but how do I source marijuana, I thought. It implied another illegal action. She must have read my thoughts, for the next moment she said, “Don’t worry I have an arrangement. I wanted to do it with my own hands but I am leaving this organization next month, so I shall miss seeing the joy with my own eyes.” What a wonderful woman she was! My respect for her grew manifold. Then she added, “If you are fine with the idea, I shall make the arrangements. Don’t worry about the money; I just want to see the destruction it brings to Shaleen.” How considerate! I wanted to now kiss her hands. Her final words were, “Don’t use it straightaway. Wait for the right time.” What wisdom! Initially, I did not quite understand what that girl (Prerna, quite apt a name) meant by the ‘right time’. It took some time for it to dawn upon me, and when it did; it was just the ‘right time’, metaphorically speaking. Our application was going live for Business Testing, which used to be a critical phase, when Shaleen received a delivery. “Very strange! I have not ordered anything”, he rightly remarked. “You are liked by so many people, perhaps it’s a well wisher amongst them”, I quipped. “Perhaps, you are right”, he nodded solemnly. Next day was the deployment and when he entered the office he was red-eyed and woozy. There were no errors in deployment and the deployment in itself was successful, so to speak, but when the most important piece was being tested, it broke. The logs did not quite help. Everyone looked expectantly at Shaleen, who was clueless and had no interest in the application at this point of time, for his mind was surfing high among fluffy white and grey clouds. “I do not feel well. I feel lightheaded. I think I should go home”, he declared. Everyone panicked. The star- designer was unwell! They started calling for an ambulance which Shaleen passionately resisted. In the end two other worried senior developers accompanied a protesting Shaleen to the hospital. “No release is bigger than our man”, the manager declared. For a moment my exasperation returned and I felt that Prerna and my efforts had gone in vain. After an hour or so, the senior developers returned, minus Shaleen. Their faces were flushed and they looked angry. “He was not unwell, he was high.” “That too, on drugs”, added the second guy. The manager looked angry. “There is a limit of irresponsibility. Could he not wait till the successful release? What are we to do now?” the manager literally cried now.” “Can’t Mayank have a look? He worked with Shaleen after all”, quipped one of those senior developers. The manager now looked at me just the way a bed-ridden old man pleadingly looks at a rich man to marry his daughter, in those old Bollywood movies. “Do anything but fix this wretched piece of code”. I nodded. Thankfully, Shaleen had not played much with the technical foundation that I had laid and in 20 minutes or so, I was able to figure out the issue- a very simple thing actually, the stored procedure on the database had not been updated. At first, some of them were vary of trying my suggestion. The database guy was of course skeptical, but the manager showed faith and gave a go ahead, and it worked. Of course, it had to; the application was my baby after all, which had been briefly snatched by the villain. People were surprised that I, a mere side-kick to our hero, hero albeit with whatever flaws he may have had, but hero, nonetheless; that a side-kick, saved the day in place of the hero. The manager literally had tears in his eyes, and I felt like a mother who was reunited with her long lost son, only that I was no mother nor had any prospect or interest in being one in this birth. This was the beginning of my ascent in WTFB Consultancy Services and till this day I have no remorse over my actions. And when I broke out the news to Prerna, so happy was she that she even hugged me. “You did it! You did it! I knew you had it in you to carry it out when the time was right”, and I felt like a RAW agent who had planted a bomb in the enemy territory (Okay, I am not totally sure if RAW does that, but a happy man must surely be allowed this much creative liberty) After 6 months Shaleen left the organization to join the star cast of another organization. We stayed in touch however and even took time to hang out together once every two or three months. That’s how you see; we know so well about it each other. Initially I was a little nervous interacting with him for with the kind of predicament Prerna and I got him into, one eventually finds out what had actually happened, but that fear was allayed soon. He dropped subtle hints to let me know that he was cognizant of the scheming and at the same time dropped sentences that implied that he was aware and sorry for his own behavior. You know, to acknowledge something like that is a remarkable feat, even if you don’t like that person. It was a strange bonding that we shared- we were not friends, did not like each other and yet we were a sort of brotherhood that needed each other to survive. I have always viewed him as my nemesis, an antithesis and I am sure he thinks of me in the same light. But it is also this clash of personalities and interests that draw us to each other. It’s five years since this incident and despite all this we meet tomorrow.

******

A strange thing happened today! Before Vineeta happened, the only somewhat stationary feelings I had were towards one single woman called Praneeta. She was my college mate, and what a girl she was! She had to ace everything- whether it was academics or extra-curricular. Her confidence and achievements bestowed upon her an effortless beauty though I heard many girls complain that she was neither fair nor had long hair. But who cares about these overestimated parameters of beauty! Whenever I approached her she spoke politely to me, yet she remain evasive when it came to a date. She was not active on social media back then and so the only news I often got of her would be through other batch-mates, and I would look eagerly for those bits of information till Vineeta came into my life, or rather till I got married because that extinguished any hope of a future with her. All I knew was that she went abroad for her MBA and did very well as was expected of her. And thus she remained that unattainable shadow that ventures in and out of your heart only to create torment and longing. So coming back to the strange thing I mentioned some time back, I got a message from her on chatsapp this evening. Her display picture even more elegant now, now that she was a grown woman and not just a college girl; and it was natural that I could not think of anything beyond her the entire evening. And that she messaged me flattered my modest ego and made me feel even more gleeful and content. I know I am beguiling my poor heart in this endeavor but so be it, for it is sweet joy.

**********

Everyday my joy grows a little for we talk more and more. She shares instances and things one does only with people one trusts and I feel proud, content and joyful. I feel at times I am the happiest man on this earth.

***********

My hands are shaking in excitement. Hell, my entire body is! Praneeta just said something that changes the meaning of my entire existence. She dropped a hint that she had always liked me but that she hated the fact that I never had the guts to approach her and that if there is anything that she despises, it is timidity and lack of confidence. My heart broke a little. We read things everyday about how much we lose when we don’t take action and I felt remorse over what all I could have had, had I been a little more confident. But then she said something that gave me hope. “It’s never too late for anything”, she said. But she implied that the action I’d have to take now should compensate for the lost years. A bold proposal, a public proposal; something like sweeping her off her feet and even a kiss- it needed to be a daring feat, something that reflects determination and purpose. The very thought of these things sent my hormones into a tizzy and I made happy plans about how I’d execute them. As far as messy divorces are concerned, let them be, for if I have Praneeta I don’t really need Vineeta.

****************

It’s a strange coincidence. Praneeta invited me to a five star for the test of my love, and the coincidence is, I was already supposed to be there- we had an office party there. Our company had just closed a deal with a big four and there were bigwigs from both sides. There was a round of presentations before we broke out for dinner. Till this point there was no sign of her or her messages and I felt maybe she got cold feet herself and that her modesty overpowered her yearning for excitement and I comforted myself with the thought that even I was not ready for the daring spectacle she had prodded me to maneuver. And just then she entered; a picture of grace, more beautiful than her picture. She smiled demurely at everyone including me and went to sit in the front row. She smiled at the foreigner next to her and he nodded. I wasn’t at all surprised for she had always had had wonderful connections being an accomplished person that she was. I had eyes only for her now and after a while I saw her bow her head to her cell phone. My own cell buzzed the next second. “Still so shy? What are you waiting for?” My heart started beating as if it was the drum roll on Independence Day. I took deep breaths and stood up, gathering all my nervous energy. I know how I marched to her row thinking so many thoughts at once, I know how hot my cheeks felt and how my limbs quivered. When I reached her, everyone looked up at me naturally. Because she was sitting, I had to change my plan of execution. I would extend my hand to shake hers and once her hand would be in mine, I would gently pull her up and then scoop her in my arms. I knew it involved a little professional risk, but then how do you get success without a little risk? So I extended my hand to shake hers. She gave me that reserved smile that she always wore for everyone publically and I also saw a little question mark on her face, perhaps she was anticipating what I’d dare to do next. But as I shook her hand I felt a strange sensation that I cannot easily describe. And then I saw Shaleen among the crowd and instantly a montage came playing in my mind- how he had given in to his temptations what had been the outcome. Perhaps, he had joined this other company and was here just like me, but for whatever reason he was here for, he reminded me of things I never would like to subject myself to. And then my thoughts flew to Vineeta’s feet and that I would have to be incessantly cruel to do this to her. And I realized that it was not the cost of a divorce that had chained my actions and checked my temptations all these years, and when Praneeta looked at me inquiringly I only said, “How do you do Praneeta? It’s such a pleasure seeing you after so many years.” She looked a little blank for a while and then said, “Oh Manav! You look so different now! I am so happy to see you too!” “Mayank”, I corrected. “What’s in a name? You were brilliant then and you must be brilliant now.” I felt as if the carpet was swept from under my feet. She did not even remember me! Manav was in fact a boy who resembled me just as much as Leonardo Dicaprio resembles Vin Diesel. The only thing that was common to us was the proximity of roll numbers. And this meant it was not Praneeta who was romancing me on text! I felt I was a character of those Hindi Soap Operas myself who gets embroiled in convoluted plots and schemes beyond the ordinary conception of reality! And then the foreigner who was sitting next to her, who happened to be the Vice-President remarked, “Oh so you are my wife’s classmate?”, and then turning to my Vice president, remarked in good humor, “My wife is from one of the best Engineering colleges of your country and she is one of the most intelligent women I have met in my life, I am delighted to see that your organization has similar resources. My deal is in good hands”, he said and beamed gaily. Praneeta was married too, and that too, to the Vice President of a company, my company had just signed a deal with. Imagine my predicament had I carried out that passionate scheme! I was grateful that common sense and loyalty had prevailed. This also meant that this was a carefully designed scheme to humiliate and destroy me and beyond doubt there was only one person who could have hatched this. And just then I saw Shaleen get up quietly and leave the party. My mind was now as clear as a glass of sparkling water and I trembled with the possibilities of what could have happened, followed by mentally patting my back for what did not because of my restraints. But when I went to my seat and thought for a while, I realized I had only benefitted. A) even a minor association with important people is an advantage professionally B), I knew I had to lookout for any future plotting against me and C), I should stop feeling unhappy about the fact that I cannot indulge in temptations because of my marriage to Vineeta, for it was not in fear as I had earlier assumed but out of loyalty and love that I had checked myself numerous times, and love is only liberating. I felt very, very happy and content that night. Indeed this day I was the happiest man on Earth.
Moral of the story? Well, there aren’t any morals for I still am no saint but if there is anything worth learning from my experience, it is; it is perfectly fine to take your revenge. I stand by what Prerna and I had done and given a chance, I’d do that again. We did what we could to shake off exploitation in our way and for our talent and hard work to grow and get what it deserved. There shall be differences in our style of execution, but it was fun when that happened. The other lesson is if ever you extract your revenge, be prepared for retribution. Be on your lookout for it does not take long for your life to turn into a soppy melodrama, if you are not careful. And thirdly, be faithful to your wife, if she is to you and gives you her unconditional love. And thus ends this episode of enemies and temptations.